Gather around the glow of your smartphone- here’s a tale of Thanksgiving horror, provided to our team by a friend (not mentioning any names!)
It was the year 2019, an easier time when 'pandemic' was just a board game. Our friend was living in a charmingly dilapidated apartment downtown, the dust bunnies created a farm and the dishes in the sink had started to grow fuzz.
Our friend and their partner had a simple rule: if it's not moving, it's clean. This rule worked perfectly until Thanksgiving rolled around (not the kind of Thanksgiving where you cook a turkey and make stuffing). Our friend’s version of Thanksgiving was more along the lines of ordering pizza and binge-watching 'Friends' reruns.
Next, the unthinkable happened. The partner’s parents decided to surprise them with a good old-fashioned holiday visit- SURPRISE. FUTURE IN-LAWS. ON THANKSGIVING (the horror was real).
They had less than two hours to transform their apartment from an apocalyptic wasteland into a beautiful living space. They teamed up as Cinderella #1 and #2, but instead of a fairy godmother, they had a bottle of cleaning spray (Fabuloso, if you’re wondering) and a vacuum cleaner that smelled of regret and crackled nonstop.
They scrubbed, swept, and vacuumed. They shoved dirty laundry into closets and hid unwashed dishes in the oven. They managed to unearth a tablecloth from somewhere and threw it over the coffee table, hoping it would pass for a dining room table.
The doorbell rang and they held their breaths as the in-laws walked in. They looked around, their eyes taking in the “clean” apartment. There was a moment of silence, and then mom said, "Oh, what a lovely, cozy place you have here!"
They nearly fainted from relief.
There was no happy ending: the family dog came along and started sniffing around the coffee table. Before anyone could stop him, he had pulled the tablecloth off, revealing a mountain of pizza boxes and empty beer cans underneath.
The silence that followed was deafening.
Let this be a lesson. No matter how tempting it is to allow the dust bunnies multiplying, the trash accumulating, and the dishes piling, remember this tale of Thanksgiving horror (and hire HPCS). You honestly never know when surprise in-laws might come to show their child some holiday love.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Let’s all give thanks to this terror of a tale. May your homes be clean and your in-laws be understanding.